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Wednesday, May 9, 2018

first born

Did I tell you she's back?
I don't think I did. She's home. We've been keeping Sunny all to ourselves while we have her. And it's like there's a light that's been turned off for far too long that is suddenly on.

Sunny is home. At least momentarily.
It's never long enough.
Her story is not mine to tell. That happens when you have big kids. You can't go blabbing all over your blog about what they're doing... or so the teens tell me each in succession as they reach teenager-dom. So as the kiddos get older, we give them more space and breathing room, and I promise you they don't fall off the face of the planet when you stop hearing about them, but I do stop spotlighting them here on the blog as much as I did when they were littler.

So she's off. On a whole new adventure and a whole new season of life. She's on the thresh hold of new chapter yet to be written. And I'm ridiculously excited for her. Really I am. (She says through tears flowing.) I'm so proud of her. And we're continually amazed by her determination, bravery and independence. She's always been brave. Some people just coming in to the world like that. But when did she grow up? When did she go from girl to young lady to woman? Was it a specific moment? Did I miss it?
Yet it's here.
We're not sure what the next few years will be like for her, (or for us without her) but let's just say that she's gonna stick out like a 5'7" long-blond-haired thumb in Asia, where she'll continue to saves lives like nurses do. Yeah, we raised a person that literally saves lives. Even without this, she's amazing.
We do know we won't be seeing as much of her in these next few years. Well, there is video calls and continual texting of course, but you mamas that have kiddos that have left the nest know what it means to have a child return your arms after they's been gone. Video calls just don't hack it sometimes. She's not even gone yet, and my heart is already missing my first born again, my daughter, and now, genuinely, my dear friend.

I wish she'd do all this closer to home. I wish her dreams were at least driving distance. But in the big ways that count, I don't. It's her dream after all. Not mine. All this means we've done our job as parents well, right? Please remind me of this later. This independence. This following of dreams! This means she's grown up to all we had dreamed for her. And I will try to remember this as I put her on a plane, with all she owns in 2 boxes, a suit case and her sweet fur-baby at the end of a leash.

When I say goodbye in just a bit, after I hug my last hug and watch her walk away and feel that void in my heart when she's not here, I will remember this. I wouldn't change this huge hole in my heart for anything.

She is amazing.
She is brave.
She is independent.
She is my first born.
Fly, Sunny girl!
Follow your dreams!
We wouldn't have it any other way.

Love, Mama


  1. One of the hardest things to do as a Mama is to put any one of your kids on a plane to go off to somewhere far's all part of letting them grow up. She sounds like an amazing person & you must be so proud! Gorgeous pics!

    1. Yes, hard hard hard stuff... and yet the same stuff that we signed up for in the beginning. It's the actual goal, right? I remind myself of these things.


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