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Thursday, March 8, 2018

Ordinary Miracles Workshop (Part III-When I may or may not have come undone)


It should not have surprised me at all, seeing as how I was at a photography workshop and all, surrounded by a whole bunch of photographers that had cameras hanging from their necks, a whole bunch of ladies that love photography and capturing moments and images as much as I do...
...that they'd eventually point the camera in my direction.
And of course they did.

You see one of our models for the teen shoot, who coincidentally has found himself in front of my lens for the last 19 years, was my son, The Man Child. And he rocked it if I don't say so myself!

But there came a moment in the middle of the 2 hour shoot, when some of these amazing photographers, my students, said something along the lines of, Hey Nancy, why don't you get in a shot or 2 or 20 with your son? And I said, Heck no, my friends! First off I'm the teacher here so I don't think I can spare the time. Not to mention that I am very sweaty and my workshop hair is less than flattering. My face is totally red, and did you see this grey? White-shirts don't photography well. And oh no that most certainly is not happening! Of course! I'd love too!

And I am so so so happy I said yes.
I am thrilled to have these photos.
They make me so happy that I don't think I can even explain it! That I have this moment captured forever and ever.
You see, as we were standing there, The Man Child and I, something happened. Something happened to me. The Man Child stood there all confident and handsomely in his man bun. Me not so much. I'm not comfortable in front of the camera, but even so I've been trying more and more these days to be in front of the lens too. So I did. And I smiled and took direction from these amazing photographers.

And then... all of a sudden... it happened.

Maybe it was the way my son put his strong muscular arm around me, not a chubby toddler arm or even a young-adult tween arm. But rather a man's arm wrapped around my shoulder, and it was the same preemie arm that 19 years ago that I reach into the incubator in the NICU and touched when he was first born.

Maybe it was that moment when I briefly looked over and saw his smile, and I remembered that it was that same smile so many years ago that coaxed the first joy and laughter out of very very scared babies, Tess and Mimi.

Maybe it was the memory of that very same kid that ran away 'cause 5th grade homework was too hard. And it really was.

The one that learned that snow isn't so soft after all.
It all just came rushing back in that moment, all those little so-crazy-important ordinary miracles that that this child has blessed me with over the years. The memories flooded my mind. The challenges and all the overcoming and hurdle jumping. The dance parties and his uniqueness. And he saw a tear roll down my cheek, and he held me a little tighter, in his protective amazing arms. I flashed forward to my 70's or God willing my 80's or 90's... and his arm still around me when I might need it the most.

I realized that my job as a parent, my job parenting him day in and day out, is largely done.
And I came undone.

Photo Credit goes to the amazing, beautiful and talented, my friend, Christina Wilbur of Christina Wilbur Photography.
Thank you, my friend. Thank you so so very much.

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