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Wednesday, July 26, 2017

A different type of scared

3 months in, and we're still finding our new normal.
Remember when you had a newborn baby, and you didn't get much sleep at night. Instead there were long-ish stretches of kinda-sleeping where ever you landed with a baby on your chest, as your rhythms of breathing synchronized with each other... Ya, it's like that but with a 40lb, 7-year-old Chinese kid. And laundry that needs folding. 

Recently Ru has been having anxiety of some type, usually at night. Surprisingly, our brave boy that ususally deals with stress by laughing and getting giddy, he has been getting weepy. Sad. Easy to upset. And instead of raging or having his usual tantrums, his tears flow. In other words, instead of getting mad, he's getting sad. Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross via my psychology 101 class in college (circa the stone age) tells me this is yet another classic sign of grief. At night, he has been waking up, coming to our bedside and saying, "I so scared." Actually we're not so sure he's so much scared as he is craving the extra comfort and snuggle time from Papa and me. I mean actually that is fear but of a different type, not the I had a bad dream or There's a scary shadow in my window type of scared. More like the Crap this place seems permanent with these people, and I miss my friends, and everything I knew is gone type of scared. During these episodes he doesn't cry, but he is definitely melancholy and quiet, and totally content to snuggle in the quiet dark (not sleeping) for as long as we can... over an hour if I can keep my eyes open that long. Don't get me wrong, it's a good step that he's expressing his feelings, and this is coming out. It's our understanding the in China children aren't encouraged to express their feelings but rather to suck it up and make like it's all okay, not a big deal. What Ru has gone through is a big deal, and although we're heart broken that he's lost so much, I'm happy that he's letting his feelings surface so he can hopefully process all this change and loss, with us to support him through it.

It's sad.
It's again heart breaking.
But I think it's a healthy step in a very good direction.


  1. ALL of your children are so fortunate to have you both for parents. XO
    LOVE reading your blog XO

    1. Thank you, Heidi. I hope it helps someone who follows in our footsteps!

  2. Well! Speaking from my experience... That's a joke bc the more kids I raise the more I realize I don't know what I'm talking about. But, Ru may be scared. I was thinking of Lael who we adopted from China at almost 4 y.o. When she was about 6ish she came to me one night and said she was scared about who would take care of her if something happened to us. It is probably more common in kids who were orphaned. I mean to worry about it at such a young age. I explained to her God had a plan for her, and she would go to college and be able to take care of herself. I also told her if something did happen to us she would move in with my younger sister. After that she seemed totally satisfied. And now Lael is an RN! : - )))

  3. Nancy, can we share this EXCELLENT post on the the MAA blog? I'm one of the writers for the blog. I think, with your permission, this needs passing on. We would link back to you.


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