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Wednesday, July 12, 2017

A couple things I learned about myself yesterday

photo credit goes to LivyTheUnstoppable
Ru had a sedated MRI yesterday. 8 kids and 4 special needs adoptions, and I was surprised how much I learned about myself and being a parent during an simple MRI. I think the thing that I learned the most was that I'm little more attached to this sweet boy than I thought I was. There's a blog post coming later, eventually, when I can find the right words that talk about Ru's attachment to us and my attachment to him. But right now I'm still processing and haven't found those words to articulate it all. But let's just say for now, for today, my mama bear filled my soul, and I was surprised by that, pleasantly, and relieved. 

With permission from the anesthesiologist and remembering the most important thing of all,  Ru's attachment journey, we got permission before the MRI to be with Ru both when he was put under and came out of anesthesia. Ru showed no anxiety at all until we got into the actual room they do the MRIs in. Then he refused to get on the table and sat stoically in a corner chair. I carried him onto the table, and he reluctantly laid there. But when it came time to put the mask on, he got quite upset trying to wrestle it off. I made the choice to restrain his hands myself, gently, lovingly, rather than have the nurse do it. I wonder in hind sight if that was the right decision. Although a little combative he had a smile on his face the whole time, and it made me rethink about our very first moments together, and how he uses this same smile as a coping mechanism, an how things are often so different than they appear. Fear camouflaged as happiness, an amazing coping mechanism. In the end he was asleep about a minute later. 

The 75 min procedure was suddenly 2 1/2 hours, and with every passing moment I got more and more upset that I was not being allowed in recovery (see the above mama bear comment.) as was agreed to. Unbeknownst to me, there were complications when Ru was coming out of anesthesia, and he needed to be re-sedated. Eventually they let me be with him, before he woke, and all was right with the world in those moments... being by my son. I was the first thing he saw when he woke. 

So here's something else I've learned the long and hard way... 

When you adopt a child that has a rare special need, you don't necessarily have any records or imaging. What you may have is a child with a lots of scary scars and a poorly translated Chinese document that says he had something that kinda sounds like a particular condition, and your pediatrician doesn't likely have a clue what that condition is all about (and started to google it in from of me! 😳) And then you find out that you can't get in to see the specialist you need to see, the one that actually knows about this rarer special need because you don't have any records or imaging for your child. And you can't get the imaging done if you don't have a specialist to order them. It's one of many catch 22s that adoptive parents often find themselves in! In the end I AM THE ONE that has to tell my pediatrician what type of images to order and what parts of the body to get it scanned, (thank you very much www, but really I am completely unqualified to make these decisions!) All the while the insurance company is certain that none of these tests are on the up and up because after all a pediatrician should NOT be the one ordering these tests, so they chose to deny the MRIs less than 12 hours before they are to be performed. 

Thank goodness for the doctor, (who is not our doctor, because like I said we don't have any imaging so we can't see a specialist much less talk her) who went to bat for us and not only confirmed the tests that the pediatrician ordered, but the personally called our insurance company and had a little pow-wow in the 11th hour to explained the situation and why the tests were needed and appropriate. And again we aren't even one of her patients! 

Today, even as they were laying Ru on the MRI table, even after everything was said and done, we don't know if the appropriate insurance verification had come through to get the tests he needed, and until we see the results, we won't know for sure. But I do know that if you look hard enough and get creative in finding them, there are people out there who are willing to go the extra mile and think out-of-the-box for what it best for a child, and for that I am so so grateful!

Yesterday was a big day for me in the parenting department. It's not easy, and it requires commitment, humility, patience, forgiveness... 

...and a little bit of mama bear at just the right time. 


  1. I want you to know that you are not alone in this journey. Friends and family support you. Hugs! Brave mama. Brave Ru.

  2. Oh, I love your posts. I can so relate after adopting a bunch of special need kids. Two of them were burned. And since I wasn't there when it happened it was a crash course for me. Over the last 10 plus years we've gone through maybe 20 surgeries just for burns. Anyway, at one point a doctor wanted to wait for about 10 years to do the surgery to let her walk???? I immediately had to change hospitals, even though that one was a famous hospital for burns! The next hospital totally agreed with me and within a couple of months my daughter was no longer crippled and could walk with only a slight limp.


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