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Friday, March 31, 2017

Panyu Social Welfare Institute


Yes, I've been quiet lately. Not that things have been quiet around here. I'll try to fill you in. 
Panyu Social Welfare Institute
The pics today are from Ru's orphanage, his home and his family until 4 nights ago. You never know how it's going to go when you return to the orphanage and your new child says his final goodbyes. But in the end it did go well. He was apprehensive at first, but eventually he smiled and then reached for my hand and wanted to show me around his home for the last 7 years. At that point I thought we we're slowly making some progress. Don't get me wrong I do think we're making progress, it's just that... 
His "after school teachers" and one of his nannies (on the right) 
The children's building of the Panyu SWI
It's been hard. Ru had been "on" for 3 days solid starting when we first got him, all smiles, laughter, teasing, fun, giggles and games. We expected a crash to come. And shortly after these pics were taken, the evening of the orphanage visit it did come. We are now seeing the cracks through Ru's constant smile and laughs. The lack of his daily 2-hour nap makes evenings hard. Or maybe it's the fact that Ru has likely been taking care of himself for years now and isn't readily accepting care from others. Or perhaps he's having anxiety about the permanency of the situation and the strangers he's now surrounded by. Or he's testing us and (all) the boundaries to see how far he can push us before we leave him like everyone else before us. Or maybe after years of living with a group of boys, he's trying to figure out his place in a new family and asserting his dominance. Or mostly likely it's some combo of all of these. I'm not sure I can articulate how hard it has been. Kicking, hitting, yelling, threatening. Not all the time but definitely some of this everyday. You hear those stories about the families with the screaming child running away from them down the street towards traffic. Ya, that kind of hard. 
Ru sitting the edge of his old bed
The driveway of the Panyu SWI
One of the directors of the Panyu SWI
The school bus that took Ru and his friends took to school 
This little guy really wanted to be in all the photos!
Lunchtime for the younger children
As usual Papa is handling it all better than I am. I take everything to heart and over-think things way too much. He is my rock.

Despite it all, we're doing okay. Papa and I have enough experience to know how to tag-team parent and know when it's necessary to do so. But I don't want anyone to think this is easy or lucky or a fun adventurous vacation for our family. It's the stuff can break families and strains marriages. We're in this for the long haul. Ru is worth it.

7 comments:

  1. There's no advice you need from me. You have the information and the heart. We adopted our 2nd daughter at age 8. Similar honeymoon phase, too happy then not. I "thought" I "knew" how to handle everything but I was less prepared and less intuitive along the way then you are. My husband was also my rock. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time and handle everything better, be more present in the moment, less stressed over outcomes. I look at her now, my both inside and out beautiful girl...and realize we were always ok. My fears were the enemy.
    So I look at these pictures of your most amazing beautiful new boy and offer congratulations on your new family member. Best wishes, as you enjoy these special moments, may you be present, let go of stress, feel confident in your joined future together. Thank you so much for sharing with us your amazing journey. Very happy for you all.

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    1. I think this is a most encouraging thing I could have read right now. Thank you so so so much for posting. To know that there was another mama out there that thought I was "less intuitive along the way then you are." and wishes I could "handle everything better, be more present in the moment, less stressed over outcomes." Thank you thank you thank you. ~nancy

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  2. so hard and yet so good-- hang in there-- and i know that is hard-- 2 of ours hated us yet loved us-- but showed the anger more- whenever i want to give up-- i think of God and how He parents me and how I have kicked and screamed against Him-- keep loving <3

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  3. Love hearing your stories! The last two boys we adopted were in 2013. They were ages 9 and 7 years. They both tested especially the youngest. My husband was exhausted bc he had adopted the youngest while I stayed and got the oldest. When we all met up, I started going to the dining room for breakfast early, before my husband came down, but taking the boys. I would just make them sit at the table for awhile (before we ate) and we worked on manners and minding. : - ) I got some mean looks from the waitresses, but the boys straightened up... for awhile. Ha! Luckily, both boys were thrilled to be adopted. The youngest later would tell me how hard he had to work in the orphanage. He talked about mopping floors before they could eat. He also talked about on Saturdays how tired he would get from having to help give the babies baths. They both are very cute, smart and loving!

    Sammy
    www.sammynmick@blogspot.com

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  4. My son, who we travel to adopt very soon, is pictured at the little kids table photo. I would really enjoy connecting with you. May we share emails?

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    1. Absolutely! nancyvnjourney@hotmail.com. I have a sneaking suspicion I know which one he is!

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  5. Nancy! Wonderful, I'm Subrabia@live.com .....I will reach out to you this weekend!

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