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Sunday, March 26, 2017

Keepin' it real on the night before


Okay, I'm not gonna lie.
Mostly for the mamas that come after me.

I almost started crying on the train ride to Guangzhou. Not the I'm so happy and excited to almost have my son! cry. But rather it was the Oh no, what have I gotten us into? cry. There were some younger children on the train, and I listened to them speak to their mamas during the 2 1/2 hour trip. And it suddenly dawn on me. You know stuff that you already know but you don't really appreciate, and then the reality of it hits you all at once. That happened. Ru won't understand a word of what we are saying to him  and we won't understand anything he is saying to us. And despite all that stuff I was spewing less than a week ago, it's gonna be a big flippin' deal! We really won't know each other at all. And yet he's going to be my son in an instant. Tomorrow! And how in the world am I gonna make that all work out without traumatizing him. Or me. Or both!

And that's when the mini meltdown almost crying started to happen.

I know the anxiety and nervousness I'm feeling is normal. This is a major life-altering event, and it's expected to feel petrified scared a wee bit anxious. It might be kind of odd to not have these feelings every now and then. It's just that we have 3 adoptions under our belt already, and I just haven't experienced feelings like this before... till today. And then it also dawned on me, that these feelings are probably very similar to the ones Ru is also likely to be having right now. And I thank God that He gives me the gift of these emotions so that I can appreciate the fear and anxiety that our soon-to-be son will also have. Fear manifests itself in all sorts of ways, including almost crying on trains. I'm thinking that all this waiting with time to think about it all, may be the hardest part for me. Very soon there will be work to be done. The hard work starts and I can do that.
The daypacks are loaded. The plan is that tomorrow we meet our guide at 10:00am and head to the bank to exchange the orphanage donation. Then we'll have lunch, and at 1:00pm we meet Ru at the Civil Affairs office, and his whole world will change in an instant. He will enter the building an orphan and exit a treasured son. 

6 comments:

  1. oh Nancy! you have an incredible heart of love! praying for you all and an easy transition. <3

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  2. Praying for all hearts to be open to love in big ways. Love endures forever. Enjoy

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  3. Oh, my God!! Prayers and good thoughts from Romania! ^_^

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  4. You've got this. His strength is with you.

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  5. I felt like that. Panic. Can I jump off this bus? Zhou's emotions snapped me out of my own. Prayers for you and Mimi and Ru.

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