Thursday, March 9, 2017
A letter to myself and TA
November 01, 2016
I know you've already been working on this adoption adventure for months now. Gathering a ridiculous amount of papers and getting them all notarized and sealed just so. I know how consuming the "paper chase" is. And I know that you've finally come to an end to that totally consuming process and now you're just waiting. It's a change in the process for sure. At first you're so busy doing so much. And now you're not. You've seen your son half way across the world and fell in love pretty quickly. You were doing lots. You were doing something. But now you're not doing more than staring at his photo and waiting, waiting waiting... Now starts the part of the adoption process that is a long series of steps that all involve waiting for an undefinable amount of time for the next step. I know you're not good at all this waiting and doing nothing much.
Then despite your behavior, you are going to make some progress! NOT due to any of your sniveling, pushing and griping. You'll make progress towards your new son because time inevitably passes. You can't make it pass any faster. Yet another reason that you should just relax, but again, I know you won't. Nevertheless, China will eventually grant you your "Letter Seeking Confirmation" in late December, a month after you thought it would come. And in January and February, the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security will look over the documents to determine if Ru is eligible for a U.S. visa to come home. They'll decide there's a couple problems with your application, and that step will take twice as long as everyone else's. Unlike all those tears you shed over it, you have a great agency and they'll fix it for you quickly! Really almost every step in our adoption journey to Ru will take longer than the averages. And your reaction isn't gonna be pretty.
4 months from now, on March 9th, 2017, the phone will ring, and your case worker will tell you that you have "Travel Approval," the final permission you need to go to China and make Ru your son, the one you've been waiting for the most! It's the most important step yet and then 1- your gonna do the ugly cry on the phone with her right then and there. And 2-you're gonna realize what a bad attitude you've had for months now. I wish I could convince you during this waiting portion of the journey to just let the time pass and not try to control the timing of each step, which is impossible and only will lead to your frustration and yes, even anger.
But on the other hand, this super vigilance (that leads to ungraceful behavior and embarrassment) is also sign of attachment to a son that you've yet to meet. Which is actually pretty amazing when you think about it. Loving a son like that that you haven't even met. I know you know that all children should be loved like that, and that not all are of course. But Ru is loved like that! He's loved fully and fiercely by a mama that he doesn't know. And that's a wonderful beautiful blessing (wrapped in a hot complainy mess) indeed.
And only then, does the real adventure begin.
ps-You're going to be told his favorite color is blue. You're just gonna have to wait and see if that one is true or not. But judging by the by the photos you're going to receive on your final update, I'd say it's probably likely!