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Thursday, March 9, 2017

A letter to myself and TA


November 01, 2016

Dear me,

I know you've already been working on this adoption adventure for months now. Gathering a ridiculous amount of papers and getting them all notarized and sealed just so. I know how consuming the "paper chase" is. And I know that you've finally come to an end to that totally consuming process and now you're just waiting. It's a change in the process for sure. At first you're so busy doing so much. And now you're not. You've seen your son half way across the world and fell in love pretty quickly. You were doing lots. You were doing something. But now you're not doing more than staring at his photo and waiting, waiting waiting...  Now starts the part of the adoption process that is a long series of steps that all involve waiting for an undefinable amount of time for the next step. I know you're not good at all this waiting and doing nothing much.
I want to tell you that this waiting is going to be hard, harder than you think. You're not going to be able to control any of your progress. In fact lots of other folks you don't even know, some half way across the world, will be the ones that say when you'll be able to check off the next box, each box a step closer to a treasured son you've never met. Let me be straight with you. I want to tell you not to complain so much. Not to be so quick to anger and judge. Not be so emotional. It's hard on the people you love. I want to tell you not put so much pressure on the very people that are trying to help you, not to act like a baby by adult throwing temper tantrums and try to force your way. If you could only step back you'd see that it's embarrassing. But in the end I know it's no use telling these things. You're going to do it anyway.

Then despite your behavior, you are going to make some progress! NOT due to any of your sniveling, pushing and griping. You'll make progress towards your new son because time inevitably passes. You can't make it pass any faster. Yet another reason that you should just relax, but again, I know you won't. Nevertheless, China will eventually grant you your "Letter Seeking Confirmation" in late December, a month after you thought it would come. And in January and February, the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security will look over the documents to determine if Ru is eligible for a U.S. visa to come home. They'll decide there's a couple problems with your application, and that step will take twice as long as everyone else's. Unlike all those tears you shed over it, you have a great agency and they'll fix it for you quickly!  Really almost every step in our adoption journey to Ru will take longer than the averages. And your reaction isn't gonna be pretty.

4 months from now, on March 9th, 2017, the phone will ring, and your case worker will tell you that you have "Travel Approval," the final permission you need to go to China and make Ru your son, the one you've been waiting for the most! It's the most important step yet and then 1- your gonna  do the ugly cry on the phone with her right then and there. And 2-you're gonna realize what a bad attitude you've had for months now. I wish I could convince you during this waiting portion of the journey to just let the time pass and not try to control the timing of each step, which is impossible and only will lead to your frustration and yes, even anger.

But on the other hand, this super vigilance (that leads to ungraceful behavior and embarrassment) is also sign of attachment to a son that you've yet to meet. Which is actually pretty amazing when you think about it. Loving a son like that that you haven't even met. I know you know that all children should be loved like that, and that not all are of course. But Ru is loved like that! He's loved fully and fiercely by a mama that he doesn't know. And that's a wonderful beautiful blessing (wrapped in a hot complainy mess) indeed.
So hang in there, Nancy. Time will pass. You can't change the inevitable delays, your slow progress and extra hurdles you will have to jump. But I can tell you that in the end, you are going to China to get your son! It will happen! It probably seems like forever away right now, but soon you'll be packing those suitcases and booking your flights! About 5 moths from now, sometime next March or April, you'll be getting on that plane and making your way to Ru.

And only then, does the real adventure begin.



ps-You're going to be told his favorite color is blue. You're just gonna have to wait and see if that one is true or not. But judging by the by the photos you're going to receive on your final update, I'd say it's probably likely!

1 comment:

  1. Aww, it's hard that you have to wait and go through all that. I suppose is harder to adopt because when you are pregnant you just wait for the nine months to pass to meet your child. In adoption there are so many uncertainties but luckily you are very strong. I think you are the strongest mama and I have never met you in person. And oh my God, I can't wait until you meet your little man. He is so, so handsome and the color blue is awesome. He has great taste. ;)

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