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Monday, August 22, 2016

The non-plan

I know an update is in order.

I know this left you hanging.

I'm sorry.

But you see, I had to process. We had to process a lot of big stuff about what's best for us, and just where we were going or not going as a family. Back in the early part of this year we thought we knew, but then my last China trip left me... well... in a tough place. It took lots more processing. Prayer. And discussion between my hunk of burnin' love and me. And we thought we knew what what the plan was. You know that saying about telling God your plans, right? Yeah, well that happened. So after we were reminded that we're not necessarily in charge of the whole world and everything in it and what happens no matter how hard we work, how much we want it or what we do the plan we reaccessed and discussed some more. Long story short, the plan is still evolving. Much of it doesn't have anything to do with us, except that we're faithful that it will all play out the way it's suppose to in the end as long as we're brave enough to listen.
On my April China trip with Gladney. Apparently selfies are universal! I couldn't get enough of these boys!
If you followed me on Instagram I know you saw lots of little visitors that joined our family over the last several months. That was part of the first plan. Some of them were big and some little. But none of them stayed long. And we gladly did that.. And we plan on doing lots more of that in the future, short-term foster care. That's the good news! We hope more little visitors will be joining crazy us over the next while! Our foster care included lots of cuties that needed a family to love on them short term because we were in the middle of all that aforementioned processing. We kinda thought God would keep us right there in the foster community, and we could be a long-term family for some kiddos that needed it. What you didn't see were a couple cuties in China that really grabbed my heart. Like stole my heart hook, line and sinker. After lots of prayer and consideration I was beside myself with grief that neither of those sweet boys were our son. That's part of the bad news. That was (is) one of the hard parts of the trip... the kiddos that were left behind. The guilt. And thus the reason to do more. But we know guilt is not a good reason to adopt a child.

Which again left us in the midst of... God, where do you want us? If our family done growing?
Yeah, lots more processing and no easy answers. But over the months, we think we've finally settled on the plan now, or really it's more like a non-plan. The plan is to prepare ourselves for what (or who) may come down the chute... like maybe a China adoption. Maybe.
And maybe not.
We're not really sure.
You see we have a little guy in our head, and I'm not sure if he really exists or not. Maybe he's a figment of my creative imagination, and maybe he's not. But he's a very specific little guy. And I can see him and his smile in my mind's eye. Except for that smile, he's kinda a blur. When folks ask us if we're done adding to our family, we've often said there may be one more out there for us, but we weren't sure. And we still aren't. On the chance that he's not fiction, on the chance that he's a real boy in need of a forever family, and we find him, we're going to bring him home. How could we not?! I've been very upfront with the two agencies that we work with. If they happen to see a little guy like the one that's in our head, then we'd very much like to adopt him. But on the other hand we're totally at peace if he does turn out to be a dream. To be very clear, if we're never matched with a child it's okay. We always said that our 4 girls and 3 boys felt a little off balance. We felt like maybe, just maybe, that there is a little boy missing from the crazy us. In China the number 8 is a crazy lucky number and maybe that's just the number of kiddos we were meant to have. But then again Chinese superstitions are no reason to adopt a child. And 7 is pretty stinkin' awesome already!

Our China home study is done and is valid for the next 18 months. And if something, or rather someone comes along, then holy cow we're going to turn this crazy crew into Ordinary Miracles & The Crazy 10! But if not, then we're going to sit back and relish in the blessings that have already been bestowed on us. Either is totally okay with us. So long story short, the plan is to let God be in charge of the plan. We're going to try real hard to sit back and enjoy the ride. And not throw up.

During that time we will continue to do short-term and emergency fostering only. We are unable to do any long-term fostering because we'd then need a costly updates on our home study. Despite the huge shortage of foster homes in AZ, (more guilt) we still feel this is the right decision for us.

And that is the official non-plan!


  1. I can identify with this post on every level. When we came home with our second we knew God was working but we weren't entirely sure how. We felt like it was something big and audacious, but what? Then we adopted #3. He was the child we never knew we needed but so obviously did. Was this the plan was asked ourselves.

    Then in Dec/Jan a little boy from China spent a month with us through an orphan hosting program (he is still waiting for a family, too). Was that The Plan, we asked ourselves, knowing that it only felt like a piece of the picture and not the Big Reveal.

    Some days I've been so tired and I've thought, "Please, please let everything that's happened be the full extent of the plan." Other times, I've prayed, "Hello, did you forget we were waiting down here."

    All of that to say: I hear you. Praying for your non-plan plan!

    1. Jessica, LOVE that we have the opportunity to connect, worlds apart probably, about this. I'm not known for living with uncertainly well. So I hope that I'll be able to hold out without going crazy. God knows. I try to keep reminding myself that His answer ranges from "yes," to "no" to "hang on a minute while I work some things out." to "You're asking the wrong question." Of course we all want the answer to be YES! But often the answer is one of the last 2 possibilities. Which I'm trying to be better at hearing. #ImpatienceIsntAVirtue

  2. How exciting to watch and see what God will do! I love your attitude in this post, and am looking forward to hearing how things go!


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