I'll let you in on you a secret.
'Cause I don't really believe in secrets anyway.
|China's beautiful countryside|
I'm not even sure that even now that I'm willing to commit it to print, except to say that I am changed.
I think of myself as glass-half-full girl. I can usually see the silver lining for most events, and I live in the assurance that no matter how bad things are, my attitude shapes my continence more than any external crappola. But I was really having trouble snapping out of this grief. My mind seemed to be consumed with grief day and night, and no matter what I did, I just couldn't stop thinking about it. In the middle of not sleeping and all day long there were long stretches of prayer and tears. Isolation. Grief and wallowing. Spiraling down. Good cries with my best girlfriends. I had the classic signs of depression. Then suddenly it dawned on me that I needed to do something about it. That doing something, doing anything good could be a way out of my sadness about things that I just cannot change. I wrote, I can't not act anymore. I need to DO something in order to remain sane and healthy.
So I talked to Papa about it. And we talked to the kids. I prayed and talked some more, and ultimately we all agreed that doing something good, was well... good for all of us. And we all wanted to do it. And in addition to being the proudest mama right then and there, the weight in my heart was lifted.
So all this to say, it's Wednesday, and we're expecting a visitor any time now. A new little visitor that needs a little good in his life, maybe for a short while and maybe longer. We don't know where it is going to take us but we're committed to the long haul if that's where God takes us. And even though unknowns are scary, (and land's sake are they!) we can do that.
And my spirits have been lifted because doing good, actually makes all of us better.
To be continued...