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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

-1 and planting seeds



I am upset
exasperated 
celebratory 
frustrated 
concerned 
angry 
happy 
bewildered 
relieved
disappointed 
and exhausted. 
I am all those things at the same time.

As quickly as our Sweet Thing came, she left. 

A while back we were told this departure might be coming, but we've quickly learned with this foster care thing not to believe anything they say is going to happen until it actually does. So in the end, we were give very little notice, like an hour, and the case worker showed up 30 minutes early on top of that. Papa and the children were of course off at work and school so I was the only one that got to say goodbye. Liv left her class and tried to rush home in time, but she missed her which broke my heart since of all the people in the house, Liv was the most bonded to Sweet Thing. Mimi, who was having a hard time with having her here, has said she misses her several times already. 

Coincidentally, I met a woman at church this weekend. She and her husband were probably in their 80's. She took one look at our family and simply told me, We adopted children too. And did some foster care. Some stayed forever. And some left. We talked about our families. It was so nice to hear from someone who had been there and done that and was now on the other side looking back with such loving and grateful memories of that season of her life. When we parted, she took my hand in hers, you know how those older hands are, and gave it a little squeeze as she looked in my eyes. You're planting seeds she said. And those 3 words hung on my heart so heavy for the next 3 days . When I got the call that our Sweet Thing was leaving us yesterday, I knew why. 



Thank you, God, for another ordinary miracle.

So when the time came yesterday, she left happy and excited for her next adventure, and that gave my heart some peace. But it was hard for unexpected reasons. A lot harder than I thought it would be for reasons that I cannot share. This not knowing what's next for her, never knowing really, is a hard thing. 

Sweet Thing and Mimi over Labor Day weekend. The same size but 2 years apart. 
We will be taking a break from foster care for a while to let our hearts heal and so we can give our time and attention to Jude over the next few months. Even though we're sad, we have faith that in the end God's plan is in the works already. And actually the timing so good for our family since Jude is gonna need us next. God's pretty amazing that way. In January, we'll reassess and see where we should go next on our fostering journey. In the mean time and since we are still aware of the desperate need, Liv and I intend to do some volunteering at the intake center (where children in the system stay for a day or two while the workers find homes for them) and maybe do respite care for other foster families.

2 comments:

  1. Hi, I don't usually comment on your blog though I've been a reader for a long time. I just wanted to say, my grandparents fostered for over 50 yrs. Also had their own kids, adopted one, and a few fosters who never left and just became part of the family. Sometimes they come back--there were three babies in the house when I was a teen, siblings who stayed for at least a year--and they maintained contact after being adopted--my grandma even saw them all graduate high school. I know my dad really appreciated growing up in that environment. And I got a commitment to serving others just from watching my grandparents go about living this life. So you won't know what positive ripple effect your care has--but it will have a positive impact in so many more ways than you think. I've been so excited to read about your new adventure and I hope it continues to go well for your family.

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    Replies
    1. thank you, Anonomous. It is SO reaffirming to hear from others who have traveled this path before us, as adults and as their children (and grandchildren) and have positive things to say about it. It can be a TOUGH and sacrificial road to walk for families. But the rewards I hope are paid exponentially. I really appreciate you telling me that!

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