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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Birth Days


I'm heading out the door soon to do a labor and delivery shoot.  A sweet new baby is being born as we speak.  She was suppose to come on Saturday, but as often happens with babies, plans changed, so she's coming right now. I'm just waiting for the call that they're getting close, and then I'm out the door.  We only live about 5 minutes from the hospital so I can be there in the wink of an eye.  Or more like a few winks if I time the lights just right.  I'm going to try to capture the moments of a new life coming into this world.
The little bracelet.
The time on the clock just as the baby comes.
Her birth weight on the scale.
You know... the little things that added all together are a huge things.
Totally coincidentally, Mimi's birthday is tomorrow.
And there's a very big chance that this new baby will come on Mimi's birthday.
And as I made sure my battery was charged up, emptied the memory cards and packed my camera bag, it hit me.
Sadness
Overwhelming sadness.
So I cried for a while.
Birthdays can do that.
Especially when you don't know anything about them.  I have no stories to tell them about how long their first mama pushed or what the weather was like the day they were born.  Who the doctor was.  I won't be able to tell Mimi if she was born in the morning or night.  And it all just hurt.  All those little details that I am going to capture for someone else to savor, my children don't get to have.  Little baby toes.  That cry right after they are born.  They way they are SO away about an hour after they are born and look all around so so big.
I'm not really sad that I missed it.  I'm sad that they will miss out on the re-hashing it.  All those little details that make one know where he comes from.  A place of being wanted and treasured from the very first breaths of life.  So much so that the details are etched in your soul.
Birthdays can be a double edged sword in the world of adoption.  They don't have to be, but they can.  Right now my children are just that, children.  And all their birthday thoughts are consumed with cupcakes and presents.  And I want it to stay that way... even if I did cry today.  I always want their birthday to be a celebration.  And not a reminder of a day that was less than eagerly anticipated and celebrated.

Yes, we do have the details of their adoption stories instead, but those memories are enmeshed with pain and loss.  And sometimes it's not the type of stuff to celebrate so automatically.
Okay, I'm off.
Her water just broke.

More birthday pics of my sweet amazing gorgeous birthday girl coming.

8 comments:

  1. Breath taking images. Do you shoot weddings? If not, would you consider it? My good friend is looking for someone near Scottsdale to shoot at her wedding.

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    1. Trish, could you contacte via email? Nancyvnjourney@hotmail.com Funny you should ask.

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  2. Oh, I know how you feel about birthdays...Caleb is at that age where he's asking some tough questions.

    What a privilege, though, to be able to document the birth of a child for someone else. A real blessing.

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  3. That pic of her dancing is amazing! It must be hard to not know the details surrounding their birth. Hugs sweetie!!

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  4. I love the toes! Those cute little toes! I know it's not the same, but I wanted you to know that I have no birth story either, other than a few tragic details. I arrived. My mum was so poorly and the hospital got switched twice. She was knocked out and taken alone to delivery...and my twin died. Things were so bad she was sedated for over a week and they aren't even sure when my birthday is, either the 15th or 16th, it was that awful. I had no bonding time with her as she wasn't really conscious, but I do love her with all of my heart and although she has no details to tell me, I know I was cherished from my first breath by her, until she got to hold me. She's my best friend.

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  5. P.S. I think you should come to England in July.

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  6. Oh, Mimi is just too cute!

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