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Monday, January 6, 2014

Nest minus 1


Dear Sunny,
(Please insert your real name here, first middle and last, so that you know both that I'm talking to you and that I'm serious.)
We were here.
You were not.
We had a wonderful time and enjoyed ourselves like you can not believe.  There were dolphins, sea stars, cousins galore and stories of little ones getting lost and late night games.  And despite what I say next, we had one of the most wonderful trip ever!
But in the midst of this once-in-a-lifetime trip, there was a hole in my heart where you usually are.  A hole that was made from your absence.  I never thought there would come a day when you'd not be on a family vacation.  That is the goal of a mama, right?  To raise an independent child?  But somehow those 20 years have flown by in the blink of an eye, and I cannot seem to wrap my head around the fact that the time for you to not be continually here, not be on our family vacation is now.  Now is the time of your independence.
Weren't you just a toddler singing songs non-stop a couple years ago?  Wasn't it just last week that you were 12 and wore your glasses the first time, then declared how lucky you were to be one of the lucky ones that looked so good in glasses?  Didn't you just get your drivers license yesterday?  No matter how much I think of you as my baby, you are now a young woman.
And we find ourselves at a season where you no longer join us on every family vacation.  Of course I know that you will come on vacation with us again some day, but from now on I'm not to expect it as a matter of fact.  From now on I'll just have to give you all the details and pray that opportunity will afford itself to for you join us.  Someday.  Maybe next time, okay?
Don't get me wrong.  I want you to be right where you are all at the same time.  A place where you have both your peace and your bliss and every opportunity to spread your wings and be that young woman that we are proud of.  So proud.  Is it wrong to want you to be two places at the same time?  It's just without you, that little hole where you usually are cannot be filled.  I don't cry so much anymore, but every once  in a while (like everyday) something happens that makes me think of you and that hole become so obvious.  I've heard other mamas talk of it.  They say it is a void that never goes away but sits there empty.  I feel it now.
Anywho sweet baby girl, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, loving you, missing you, proud of you... all that and more... all at the same time.
Luv,
Mama

7 comments:

  1. So sorry one of your babies couldn't join you you ! Ican only imagine how sad it must have been for you!

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    Replies
    1. Sad? it's just a hole. It does make me cry occasionally, but we're really so proud of her at the same time. So as a mom it's a strange place to find myself.

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  2. You are making me cry! )c; My eldest baby has also grown up this past year and is now attending University. She has remained at home and attends each day. I homeschooled her most of her childhood. More like she taught herself most of those years! We felt keeping her at home for the first year would mean not so much change for her with going to school. But maybe it was all for me! How do you all cope when your precious baby leaves home?? So not looking forward to that!!!!

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  3. My oldest daughter is 22 and graduated from college last year. She is now in medical school extremely busy studying to be a doctor. I miss her so much, especially when our family does something that I know she would enjoy. My heart still breaks every time she leaves to go back to school and she is only an hour a way. We have to be strong. You are right we are suppose to be training our children up to be independent. I just pray that God will be protect her and pray she will live close by when she is older. I also have many other children to raise including a special needs son who will be with me forever. YES!
    Blessings,
    Diane Roark
    www.recipesforourdailybread.com

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  4. I can readily identify with your longing. This was the FIRST CHRISTMAS we did not spend Christmas with our BIGS! Due to unforseen illness and hesitation on travel (on our end) and working the next day ( on their end) and even one working ON Christmas Day (The TX State Trooper), our Christmas was bittersweet. I agree...I love to see them all independent and on their own...but a Momma's longing, just has no expiration date.

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  5. I can readily identify with your longing. This was the FIRST CHRISTMAS we did not spend Christmas with our BIGS! Due to unforseen illness and hesitation on travel (on our end) and working the next day ( on their end) and even one working ON Christmas Day (The TX State Trooper), our Christmas was bittersweet. I agree...I love to see them all independent and on their own...but a Momma's longing, just has no expiration date.

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  6. I just can't imagine.....beautiful, wonderful memories all made minus one. Must make your heart hurt sweet Mama. I guess that season in life is upon you, whether you like it or not. Big hugs to you. Looks like you had a fabulous time!

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