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Saturday, October 19, 2013

Guest Post {Jessie}


Our Five Year Old Saved Our Marriage 

My husband and I had a beautiful wedding. Our family and friends were present.  There was great music, lots of candle light, beautiful fall decorations, delicious food and cupcakes and our 6 children!  Yes our wedding party consisted of his 5 children and my son for a total of 6 children under the age of 8.  I thought our wedding was chaotic and then our life together as a family of 8 began! 
I didn’t enter our marriage with rose tinted glasses.  I knew blending our families was going to be difficult.  I knew the adjustment for my 4 year old that happens to have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome would be a challenge; any change in routine is always tough for him.  I knew that there would be difficulties with my husband’s ex-wife, and I had no doubt that 6 children under 8 would be a handful!  I thought I was prepared, and I really believed that I entered our marriage realistically.  Oh my, I didn’t have a clue! 
Just days after our wedding I got sick really sick!  I was diagnosed with Mastoiditis which is a severe ear infection.  It caused horrible pain, loss of balance and loss of hearing.  I was in the hospital, suffering from chronic pain, on multiple medications, and sick for a good two months.  Not a great start to a marriage.  During this same time period my son was struggling horribly with his behaviors, sensory issues, changes at home and daycare and every medication side effect known to man.  Throw in some baby mama drama, financial turmoil, and the struggles parenting 6 small children in general brings, and I was looking for a way out of our marriage as fast as possible.   
In my heart I loved my husband so completely.  On top of that I really like my husband!  He is a blast to hang out with, helps around the house, has patience with our kids, and makes me feel like I’m the most amazing woman in the world.  But in my head the fiercely independent single lady I was in the past was shouting “it’s easier on your own!”  In many ways life was easier on my own.  I adopted my son as a single mom, I had a good career, and while his special needs were overwhelming at times he and I had a very organized and fun life.  So while I loved my husband, I also craved the simplicity of single motherhood.  Three months into this marriage to a man I loved deeply and I was apartment hunting and telling him I wanted a divorce. 
We talked it over for days, and he made it clear he didn’t want a divorce.  I made it clear there was no negotiation.  I wanted my simple life back.  I found a place to live and we gathered the kids on our bed to have the dreaded “we are getting divorced but will still love you forever” conversation.  My husband was sitting behind the kids with tears in his eyes and I was sitting in front of them watching him.  I started the conversation and told them how much we loved them.  At that moment my son interrupted, “Mama, we need to hold hands and say prayer.”  I was stunned and just stared at him.  “Mama, let’s hold hands and pray like at Granny’s house before we have family meeting.”  By this point my husband was bawling and I agreed to pray together.  “Do the long prayers like Granny does, okay Mama.”  So I took their little hands in mine and closed my eyes and begged God to give me the right words. 
I began to pray, “Heavenly Father, thank you for another day as a family.  We pray that you continue to bless our family and keep us safe.  We pray that you encourage us to work together with helping hands and hearts.  We thank you for blessing us with one another and ask that you continue to help us grow together as a family.  We pray that you remind us to be kind, loving, and forgiving of one another.  We are all learning how to love and live together and we need your help.  In Jesus’ name we pray.  Amen.”   
We all opened our eyes and my son said, “So what is this meeting about.”  I wiped the tears from my eyes, looked at all of them and said it was simply a meeting to let them know how very much we loved them.  They hurried out of the room on a hunt for toys and I lay down by my husband.   I explained to him that when Sylas asked to pray it dawned on me that in all my fear and frustration I had never stopped to pray for our marriage.  How could I give up on a marriage I had never prayed for?  How had I never stopped to pray about saving us?   
We are now just a few weeks away from our 1 year anniversary.  Would I say we are a success story?  No!  We are a work in progress.  We are a family in transition.  I am a fiercely independent woman that now begins my day with a prayer for my husband and a prayer for our marriage.  We are a blended family that many days looks like we have been put in a blender!  But we are a family; a committed, praying, chaotic, therapy attending, loving, laughing family.  I am forever grateful that wild silly 5 year old interrupted me and saved our marriage.  He is a prayer come true! 

Jessie Voiers is a mom of six wild and wonderful children.  She is a wife to one handsome husband.  Jessie blogs at www.thenilaughed.com.  Jessie is passionate about adoption, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, supporting blended families, ice cream, going to the bathroom by herself, and laughing!  Her motto is Life is Serious, You Don’t Have to Be!   

3 comments:

  1. Thanks Jessie for sharing your story here. What a great reminder.

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  2. Thank you for letting me guest post! I really appreciate the opportunity.

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  3. Jessie - Thank you for sharing. I knoe I am not alone in saying that I will be praying for God to continue to strengthen your marriage as well as your family. Thank you again, God bless.

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