About 6 weeks ago I posted this. It was not an easy post to put out there. But there was something really necessary about doing it. It's so easy for me to just "hope it goes away" all on it's own. Which of course won't happen. So being horribly anonymous in the very public format was what I needed.
See me not post photos of me in my bathing suit? No muffin tops pictures here. No image looking down towards my toes at the numbers on the scale. No before and after.
Just pretty yellow tulips.
That's so much better after all, don't you think?
Why do we women struggle with our weight so much? Why is it so tied to the core of who we are? It shouldn't be. But it is. It affects who we think we are and what we think we are capable of. And that's a load of crap. We are so much more than the extra lbs that we carry. Yet they define us.
And then there are these moments of clarity (usually just after I've polished off my 3rd rice krispie treat, or 5th. Whatever.) where it's all so clear... eat less! It's not rocket science! So why is it so hard? And it is hard! Very very hard.
I know it has to be a lifestyle change. No diets. A new way of eating and thinking about food... forever. This seems to be the biggest challenge. The biggest hurdle to get over. I'm not there. But I'm trying.
Oh and the dreaded scale dance.
To weigh daily? To weigh weekly? To weigh monthly or not at all?
Get on. Get off. Take an average 3 weights. Get on again.
Lean to the left. Put your feet just so.
Take your shoes off. Better yet get naked. How much could all this hair possible weigh anyhow?
Only weigh in the morning, and do not ever any circumstance ever ever ever weigh yourself in the evening.
The numbers often hold the power in our co-dependent relationship.
And how does it all relate to exercise? Calories in versus calories burnt. But I tell you I'd have to be on that elliptical for a solid 10 hours on 10 just to make a dent in that dinner I just ate. I don't have that kind of time. Nor should I?
Enter a lovely group of supportive women. Oh ladies, it means the world to me! Really! Confessions. Accountability. Celebration. Love. Oh ladies we share the love! There is power in the decision making and glory in the journey! And 113 lbs shed between us... good stuff indeed!
I'm just so tired of having this weigh upon my soul (literally and figuratively) and define who I think I am! I want to be strong. I want to be in control of this. I want my daughters to see a mother that can take charge and make a change in her life.
Like I said before, it is time.
And it has been working.
Well not so much this week. But in general-ish. I think.
And my mind is shifting, albeit considerably slower than the numbers.