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Thursday, November 15, 2012

In the window... again

After our trip to the orphanage, I was mentally drained and physically exhausted.  I suspect she was too but honestly I was too wiped out to notice.  We all slept well that night.
I do think the trip back to the CWI and reuniting with her foster parents, was a turning point of sorts.  I don't know if she understood all the stuff that was said to her... the "permission" her foster mama gave her to be with us.  But she just seemed lighter when we returned.   Less fearful and easier to connect with.  Don't get me wrong, things were far from "attached" and we still had many many issues to work through.  
But her smiles came more easily and she laid her head down on my chest more easily.  Each morning, she didn't seem quite as startled to see where she woke.  And we we did go out and about, she nestled into me in her Ergo with wide eyes.  
  
 In hind site, she was afraid of all the stuff that brought her to us, elevators, doors opening and closing, entering and exiting buildings, getting into cars.  That still breaks my heart.  
We spent the next day, relaxing in the window... again.   Not going out.   And this was very good.  As much as I wanted to soak it in so that I could tell her how amazing of a place China was, it was better for us to stay right there in the room and learn how amazing she was.  
As you can see, the window was still a favorite of hers.  Looking and talking to, calling out for someone I'm not sure of.  I look back of the previous photos of her in the window, really just a few days earlier  and now I can see the progression slowing into the little girl that I now know.  
So sweet and girly and so full of happiness and tenacity and joy.  These were our first glimpses of the her inside all of that grief and sadness.  
Our amazing wonderful daughter   
Next on our China trip...  Out of the window and lots and lots and lots of exploring China.

7 comments:

  1. We are just starting this journey and I worry about how she will bond with us, but my hope is that she will feel our love for her and want to return that love.

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  2. Mimi is such a delicate beauty. Just so precious.

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  3. I love how you tell her story. She is irresistible.

    I read about this documentary last night and thought to share with you:

    http://www.theworld.org/2012/11/somewhere-between/

    Christa (in Kenya)

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    Replies
    1. Christa, I've been following this film for a LONG while. Sadly, I don't think it will come anywhere close to me. I so so want to see it.
      Kenya? Oh, can I come visit?
      nancy

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  4. Morning Nancy - in many ways I love reading the journey "ex post facto" - it's "calmer" and maybe more reflective because you can see it with eyes less "frantic" with the travel and appointments and all of that. Loving this - and loving that you "get it" - giving her the time she needs too!

    And Nancy - I'm not authorized (it seems - or the javascript is broken) to click on the "reply" under a comment - but have an irresistable urge to reply to "likeschocolate" - could you forward the following?

    And to "Likeschocolate" - she will love you back. It may happen in seconds - it may happen in days - it may happen in weeks - but it will happen. Just know that for every family it happens in it's own time...kind of how like God works...in His own time. And the "love" will "come and go" too, or at least it will seem to. There will be foibles and challenges and angst and anger and all the rest.

    But, and this is extremely important, know that your "fear" is normal - ok?

    And if I have but one word of advice it would be this...in the times when it doesn't seem to be happening - just "fake it til you make it". It's not that hard - and the payoff is extremely worth while!

    Hugs to all y'all - aus and co.

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