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Saturday, April 14, 2012

Really?

Setting-At church on Easter Sunday, waiting for service to begin.  Sitting outside on the grass watching Liv, Boo, Tess, Jude, and Mimi play and intermingle with the other kiddos who are also are trying to get the wiggles out before service starts.

Random father with his own 2 little girls:  Are they all yours?
me:  Yes they are!
Rfw2lg:  Did you decide to have an Oriental theme this Easter?
me:  Actually we kinda have an Asian theme year round.  

I mean really?
Oriental theme?
REALLY?
Did he really just say that?
Did he honestly imply that my children were accessories to a theme?

17 comments:

  1. "Is *your* theme ignorance? My children are Asian and your remarks were ugly. Happy Easter!" (Something i would have wanted to say but probably not
    #sometimeswehavetorethinkcongregations

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  2. That's nothing. How about the comment directed at my husband and I on Easter Sunday in our church, "So what is it like being older parents?" (after we had been having a perfectly nice conversation with this person) People can be very stupid and rude sometimes. I always am in such shock that I always think of the good retorts later. Honestly, I do think most people mean well, they are just not "enlightened." :D I hope you are feeling better Nancy. All your children are so beautiful and I am with ya on Tess and Jude starting kindergarten - the early years so by so very fast and it is so hard to let go of our children to go out into this big world without us.

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  3. hmmmmm, not sure how I would have responded???? Seriously!

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  4. Wow. I'm speechless. And at church.

    I'm glad you said Asian. Wow. I need to ponder that.

    Yeesh is a good response. :(

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  5. oops... I did not get the memo. Were we supposed to have a theme this Easter? Darn ;-) My little Asian girls missed out once again.

    We had a similar experience at a grocery store about week ago. Different question same ignorance, and as soon as we got in the car my 6 year old say, "Mommy, hasn't she ever heard of adoption?" Of course she said it with all her princess attitude. ;-)


    We live theme-less just living in reality.

    Diane
    mom to the M&M Girls
    Vietnam and China

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  6. That kind of ignorant comment makes me cringe. Then I wanna slap 'em upside the head and remind them that my kids are human beings, not a piece of home decor.

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  7. I think that comments like that out in random public places we are kind of "ready" for but in a "safe" place seem magnified. Stupidity and rudeness knows no boundaries.

    Lori

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  8. My mother will not use the term Asian and insists on saying Oriental. I've explained. Repeatedly. I've said straight out. My mother does not take criticism (or implied criticism or corrections or or or or). If you come up with a good response, let me know.

    The best we've had thus far was a friend who, upon meeting WJ for the first time turned to me and said "was she special needs?" and followed that up with "so what's wrong with her." Umm, nothing compared to you apparently (and no, of course I didn't say that).

    I've gotten the older parent comment but that doesn't bug me-- that's about me. It's the comments about the kids that sting. I'm a grownup and my skin isn't that thin. But racist slurs directed at my kids? That stings!

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  9. Unfortunately, most people from our grandparents generation passed down that Oriental term and most people that are not involved with China adoption do not know it is inappropriate when talking about people. When someone uses the term oriental to describe my daughter, I simply say to them, "Look, I just want you to know that THINGS are oriental, and PEOPLE are asian." It's an easy and nonjudgmental way of educating them that really could be helpful to them because chances are they didn't really mean to offend you.

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  10. Any chance the kids were dressed in traditional Asian clothes? If so, maybe there's a different view worth sharing, but if not, ugh!

    For what it's worth, I realized recently that people have begun to see more children with mothers (or fathers) that don't look traditionally like them due to interracial marriages. I have been hugely surprised that my beautiful youngest Chinese daughter has *several* times been assumed to be my birth daughter. This is only when my husband isn't with me, but it surprised me! I'm (unfortunately) used to comments like, "Are they real sisters?" or, "Oh, she has 2 real sons, too." (Listening to people talk to each other about me..) But, I didn't expect for some to wonder if my girl's father is Asian.

    In realizing that, I've been less quick to assume I know where the person is coming from when commenting. That's why I wondered if your kids were dressed traditionally and maybe, just maybe, they were assumed your birth children, hence the "oriental theme"?

    I haven't commented before, but I wanted you to know I really enjoy your blog! Very well done, and a pleasure to read. :)

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  11. Lieba Emily -
    The girls were wearing matching Gymboree dresses and Jude had on a polo shirt.
    I think you're right. I think it's very rare to have a comment that's out right malicious. But there's still a point where it's necessary to nicely correct people word choices. In this instance I correct the term "Oriental" with Asian. I didn't bother with the whole "theme" comment.

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  12. Yeah....

    I've had people say things like 'too bad you couldn't get one who looked more like you' like I ordered her from a catalog.....

    Some people. Yeesh.

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  13. I just wanted to add that in addition to the whole "oriental" tag that our grandparents generation used...was the term Red China. My grandmothers both used that term well into the 1990's and it still makes me laugh when I think about it. It was just the era they lived in...

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  14. Wait a minute. The girls had matching dresses and you didn't post a picture? Ahhh....

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  15. I have something to say here... Umm... we (the rest of us who are not adoptive parents) don't intend to be rude... At least I would never say such things. But there is a big possibility to say something offensive and not even realise...

    That man maybe didn't even realise he was offending you and your little ones. And if he said that out of ignorance, well, it's better than saying it out of rudeness, or meanness. Don't you think?

    I am sorry you have to listen to those comments about your children. And I think the worst of them are those who say "real children" as if adopted children were fake or something. Ugh.

    I completely understand you, dear. I just wanted to point out that not all people who make such comments are mean, just ignorant or misinformed.

    Hugs. <3

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