I'm just gonna say it.
I am a mother.
I am a mother to 7 children, 3 of whom happen to come to our family through adoption, but first and foremost I am just a mother.
Papa is a father.
Papa is also a father to biological and adopted children, but first and foremost he is just a father.
Papa also happens to be an adult adoptee. (And sometimes I can even coax him in to posting on our blog.) For this reason, (and because they don't have their voice yet) I let Papa speak for Tess, Jude, and Mimi often. I ask him often-
Should I say this?
Can I put that out there?
Would you care if it were you?
Can I say this better?
And because of his personal adoption experience, his answers, suggestions, guidelines are always the final say to what I include in this blog regarding anything related to their adoptions.
Tess, Jude, and Mimi are children. Not my adopted children. Just my children. My son and daughters.
Children that just happen to be adopted.
I have no desire to make them poster children for any cause.
Adoption doesn't define any of us. It's one of many components that make us who we are.
Adoption is born out of loss. Realizing and accepting this loss is a critical component in understanding what adoption is all about and thus how we proceed with raising our children. In my ideal world there would be no adoption because there would be no loss.
But in this imperfect world, there are children that need families. I am happy to grow the family I've always wanted in this unconventional way.
I believe that adoption programs need to be continually evaluated and improved. I believe that we adopted our children from an imperfect system that has flaws, a system that needs to be evaluated and improved.
All of this is complicated.
The adoption triad (the birth/first family, the child, and the family that adopts the child) is a complicated relationship full of risk, loss, unknowns, pain, hope, growth, faith, and so much more.
In our family, we are blessed to have adult voices to 2 of the sides of the triad, the adoptee and the adopter. Hopefully this will help us more fully understand and appreciate this complicated relationship.
But we do not know first hand the voice of the third person in the triad, our children's first family and birth mothers. For this, we must keep our hearts and thoughts open, and I thank those women who speak of it openly. I think of there first families often. I can not pretend to know their circumstances or thoughts about what brought them into this triad. But I do pray for them.
There... I said it.
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