slide show

Monday, February 20, 2012

Somewhere between the Komodo Dragons and the merry-go-round...

...Tess got lost.
It wasn't for long.
Maybe only 10 minutes.
But it was long enough for us all to realize that she was totally gone, and as mamas do, I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
We were at the zoo.  And somewhere between the Komodo Dragons and the merry-go-round she slipped out of sight.
Some how.
Some where.
A quick inventory of 7 kiddos found only 6, and she was totally missing.
I scanned in all directions but couldn't see her.  One of the big kids was designated to stay with the little ones, and the 3 others of us scattered in all the possible directions.
I found her as quickly as I had lost her, hand in hand with a zoo employee by the elephants.
(If anyone reading is local, you know how far away that is.)
So here's the whole point of this post.
Kiddos get lost, and this wasn't the first time that I've had that nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach looking for a missing child.
But my Tess, who has never ever met a stranger, who has little concern about me and being with {or without} me, fearless Tess who is happy going off with anyone at any time to do anything...  was really frightened.
She was scared.
She was crying.
She was missing me.
She was upset... very upset.

And that kind of thing isn't par for Tess.
Or at least is used to be that way.
I didn't even realize things had changed until this incident at the zoo.
This fear when she was lost is new.  We've never witnessed this reaction before.  Contrastingly, my fear is not new as Tess has wandered off multiple times.  She's our no-thought-at-all-to-wandering-off child.  She has been walking out the front door of our home without a care in the world since she was old enough to reach the handle.  Yes, we've tried locks and barricades and security systems.  But it still has happened more times than I care to admit and yes, the police have even been involved.  {gulp}
All this to say, the fear I saw on her face this time, was new.
I saw her from a distance before she saw me.  I could see that she was trying to hold it all together.   Then she saw me.  Big open mouth producing loud sobs, and crocodile tears suddenly appeared.
My girl was scared because she couldn't find us.
This is a big sign in progression for our little one.
3 1/2 years later we're still on this journey of attachment and bonding.
Attachment can take that long, especially for kiddos from hard places.  And I don't say that to scare anyone.  But it is what it is, and we the parents of these kiddos from hard places should have our eyes wide open about it.

We might always be on this journey.
But progress is being made.
And sometimes it takes something like a missing-child for me to notice it.


  1. Wow. That must be an awesome feeling (not as in "cool", but as in spiritually awesome). Yea for Tess letting you into her emotions, even just a little. And for trusting. And knowing that you are the ones who will always be there for her- her rock- even if she still tries to push you away. Yea for this step in the right direction.

  2. I'm sorry to hear about Tess getting lost at the zoo, but I'm happy to hear about her reaction to the whole ordeal. Progress indeed! Praise the Lord!!!

  3. It is such a journey isn't it?? So glad she is ok!

  4. Incredibly scary, but it is good progress for her attachment. Neither of my kids have been wanderers. I'm probably overly paranoid about but it is one of my greatest fears that they will get lost.

  5. so happy she was found, so happy she was scared. because it is a big deal.

  6. Morning Nancy - you couldn't be more correct about how long attachment can take - and - how it can rear it's ugly head years after an infant adoption - right out of the clear blue!

    And so - while I'm sorry that y'all had to have this experience - I couldn't be any happier about her reaction - maybe even merits a HOORAH!! Nice work y'all - really nice work!

    hugs - aus and co.

  7. I do appreciate these attachment posts... after almost three years with our first adopted daughter, we struggle... it feels like a huge burden at times and right now I do not think she would even feel sadness if something were to happen to my husband or me... but every once and awhile I see her starting to reach out to us and I hope this is a step in the right direction. One thing I know... I will never give up on her.

  8. Sorry you had to go through this awful experience and yet what a blessing to see your attachment, the growing attachment that takes more time than any of us truly knows, is growing.

    On another note, I purchased silicone bands for my DD from that she wears on her ankle whenever we're out or traveling. It has my cell # on it and gives a little peace of mind. does her puppy harness that I hold so she cannot happily run away!

  9. My biggest fear and I know our day will come. Tess is such a pretty girl and I love that color blue on our Asian beauties. I am glad to hear she is bonding and attaching more and more each day. You have done wonders with her. That smile of hers says it all. :D

  10. It never happened to me but I know well the feeling you described.

    I am sorry it happened to you but I am glad it was for a short time.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Design by Deluxe Designs
all rights reserved. 2011