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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Why?

This weekend started out tough.
Parenting gets harder.
When they were little the choices were easy.
Eat your vegetables.  
Share with your sister.
Finish your homework.
Don’t grab.
Help those that need it.
There is nothing new in the dark that isn’t there in the light.

And the explanations were easy.
Because broccoli is good for you.
Because putting things is an electrical socket will hurt you. 
Because giving is better than receiving. 
Because I’m the mom, and that’s why!

But they grow and the questions and answers get increasing difficult.  Suddenly things I can’t really explain to myself, I am asked to explain to my children and have it all make sense in a difficult confusing world. 
So how do you explain it to your children when bad things, really bad things happen to really good people.
Things that are unfair.
Things that are hard... really hard.
Things that happen to children... children who have no support system.
Things that shouldn't happen to adults or anyone, much less a child.
Things that can ruin a life.
Things that can destroy a spirit.
Things that are happening right now and right next to them.

One of my sweet things has a friend like this.  And as their friendship has grown, we’ve learned more and more about the challenges and burdens this friend carries, challenges that are so unlike the insignificant challenges my children face. 
You forgot your lunch box at home?
You did really bad on that math test? 
Your sister broke your glasses?
You got in a fight with your mom?
You got the flu?
Your brother ruined your favorite sweater?
Someone scattered potato flakes all over your living room?
These things are nothing compared to the challenges other children face as a matter of course.  
Compared to the challenges other children face alone.  

And how do I go about explaining to children, to my children, God’s role in the bad things that happen to really good people?  That people who are really good, with kind hearts, and people and children who try to do things for others with really good motives, people who are really just like you and me, still have bad things happen to them. 

So here’s the best I could do at the time with what I was given-
 
God never says it will be easy.  And He never says it will be fair. But what God does say is that He will provide absolutely everything that we need at that very moment to do the very thing that He had called us to do.  He WILL provide it ALL.  To do what HE wants us to do.  And for us it provides an opportunity to show His love and be a blessing to others… even if that feels grossly inadequate. 

This child that I’m referring to is really a wonderfully kind and beautiful-hearted kid.  A child a parent would be proud to call their own.  One I would take in my home in a hot second.  And I don’t have a clue why God has called this child to have it difficult in his life.  Why things are hard and beyond what a child should have to encounter.  But one thing that keeps clicking back in my brain is that the future is going to be amazing for this person!  A person that has come from a place with such challenges and overcome so much, I believe they will be called to do great things with their life!  Very great things that a community and the people surrounding him will be indebted to and empowered by just to be around.  For that I am very grateful to him and to God.

So I’m nearing the end of this post, running out of things to say, and it all feels so inadequate, just like this discussion with my child.  Keeping it real, I’m not sure if I did a good enough job explaining it to my child.  I'm not sure that I did near enough to help all the way around.  Explaining something that I still grapple with myself.  As most things are in parenting, explaining hard things is really part of a long process more than a one time talk, so I’m sure that we will revisit this subject often for a while.
I hope that it will help us both.
PS-Thank you, S, for sharing so much of yourself with us.  I will dearly miss you.  Be good. 

10 comments:

  1. Wow, that was a really great post. It does get hard to answer those questions. I think you did a great job. Your friend will be in my thoughts.

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  2. I am in awe of you and your wisdom. Thank you for blessing my life by being a apart of it. I am so sorry that this sadness and the wickedness of life is so prevalent, but with people like you, raising children like yours, our world, for all its nastiness and evil will be a BETTER PLACE. From that very first Taco Bell in front of Rolle, God has blessed me with our friendship and I will be forever grateful.

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  3. and here I thought it was supposed to get easier...I somehow think you said EXACTLY what your (grown) baby needed to hear...I just hope that as my girls get older...it's still me they are coming to...

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  4. Melissa- thank you so so much. I am so sad re this. I needed to hear your words. You are forever my friend, lovely.
    love, crazy me

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  5. I just found your blog through Sunday Snapshot...wow, what a powerful post! I can relate and have often wondered the very same things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart! Bethany

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  6. Awesome post! I would love for you to read a post about my son who died.

    I'm following from bloggy moms.

    If you have time, here's the link:
    http://ecwrites.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-son-is-in-heaven.html

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  7. What a powerful post. I am so thankful for my children's innocense as of yet. I am dreading the times that I know will come where we have to explain those difficult things.

    I tried to find a follow button and didn't see one, but I am stopping by from Bloggy Moms and I've bookmarked you.

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  8. Great post! It is very true that the older children get the harder the questions that they ask and the more difficult things become. And so true that God will provide what we need when we need it!

    Newest follower from Bloggy Mom

    Would love for you to follow back :-)

    http://singlemominspiration.blogspot.com/
    Looking forward to reading more. Also I grabbed your button as well.

    <

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  9. Nancy, I am with you on this. I am very close to someone who also has to live in difficult and challening circumstances and it breaks my heart becuase they do not deserve a life like that. I try to remain positive and hope that things will improve but it is difficult sometimes. Thank you for sharing this with us all.

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  10. Ok-I am sorry, I have to put the serious aside for a moment and comment on how cute those leg warmers are: I should have kept mine! I will pray for this sweet soul, who knows what God's plans are, He may be using this situation to mold that young spirit in to something special in a field that will impact many...I will pray for that sweet child of God.

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