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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The aftermath

As I mentioned, Sunday and Monday found me sick and in bed.  And not the kind of sick you can keep on doing car pool with and stick a Costco lasagna in the oven for dinner.  But the kind of sick that has you green to the gills and hovering close to the "facilities."  The kind of sick a mama is only allowed to have once every decade.

This morning I woke with my stomach a little queezy still, but able to function.  And in my absence, I discovered that a nuclear devastation had ripped through every corner of my home. Yes, surely it was either nuclear devastation or the remaining 7 members of the Crazy 8 decided to decline any personal responsibility for their messes.  Honestly, there wasn't a square inch of our home that hadn't been devastated.

The carnage... it had to be dealt.
I decided to attack the kitchen island first.
Notice the camera angle which purposefully shows no other flat surfaces.  Only a dust mop if you look closely, a dust mop which I assure you was there on Sunday when I went bed and was not touched the entire time I was there.

Exhibit 1-Spelling list #14  (Surely this is somersetting I should have been working on!)
Exhibit 2- a cup of partially eaten trail mix with all the m&ms picked out.  
 Exhibit 3-A toy drill
Exhibit 4-A bottle of Jamaican dark rum!  Unopened. (Hmmmmm... that's the first thing that looks promising!  This may just drive a girl to drink!)
Exhibits 5 & 6- a 1/2 pint canning jar, empty. And Tess's twirly-skirt.  (Of course things that need to be stored on the kitchen island long term!
 Exhibit 7-A spray bottle, used to try to train the dog to stop barking.  Completely ineffective.
Exhibit 8-A warm 1-pound box of Costco butter, opened.  I assure you that all 3 of the 4 very soft sticks are still inside.  (By the way, how long can butter be out without refrigerating it before Salmonella becomes a possibility?  My mama never refrigerated butter.  That might explain some things.)
Exhibits 9 & 10 & 11-a dirty fork, a dry marker without a lid and a sharp pencil with an eraser.  (Hang on there just a minute... whooaaaa, Bessy... did you say a sharp pencil with an eraser?  A supernatural phenomenon surely!)
 Exhibit 12-A melty-crayon turkey decorated by Tess and Livy complete with 1 googley eye.
 Exhibit 13-Travel size Maganodoodle
Exhibit 14-Wipes  (Apparently someone was thinking about cleaning something, but never quite got to it!)
 Exhibit 15-2 lunch boxes, empty, but with remnants, including orange peels and juice-box-straw wrappers.
 Exhibit 16-Perfectly clean small plate, fork, and knife. (Kinda makes you wonder, hu?)
Exhibit 17-$8.  (Ah HAAA!  This must be my fee for cleaning up all this mess!  Which I assure you, I promptly pocketed it!)
 Exhibit 18-Bag of assorted choking hazzards beads
Exhibit 19-My grandmother's hand needle-point stool pushed to the side of the island to be used as a common step stool
 Exhibit 20-Farmer guy
 Exhibit 21-Ball Transformer thingy  (Anyone seeing the insanity of it all?)
Exhibit 22-Empty box that used to have a portable heater, complete with styrofoam  (Benefit-of-the-doubt-girl thinks maybe someone was keeping it case of a return?  Maybe not.)
Exhibit 23-Two used empty tamale husks and 1 tamale, cooked and opened and not eaten... except for the one bite taken out of the corner.  No plate.  Just sitting there.  (Honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to take a picture of it.  Just too disgusting.)

20 minutes later...
That's better!
Now on to the remainder of the kitchen floor house.


  1. Seriously funny! The same thing happened to me... but it was strep throat and 3 days in bed... All I will say is your carnage is funny mine is depressing. :-)

  2. Marci-Someone else's carnage is always funny! 'Cause it isn't YOUR carnage!

  3. Hope your feeling better ! Crazy how things go south without momma to clean up every 5 minutes.

    If the butter is salted it can stay out of the fridge for a while - I think. At least that is what I do.

  4. why in heavens name do you AZ people have a space heater?????

    i hate kitchen island carnage. hate.

  5. Is that the same farmer guy from your over the shoulder boulder holder blog post ?!?! Haha.

  6. Okay, this is NOTHING! You should see my kitchen after one 'normal' day with this Mama fully functioning. The older I get, or maybe the more children we add (and dogs too, for that matter:), the more I realize how desperately poor I am at housekeeping!
    btw- that pencil is a HOT commodity in our home too and surely would never be left lying about, but quickly snatched and hoarderd by the lucky finder of such a treasure!


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