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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The aftermath

As I mentioned, Sunday and Monday found me sick and in bed.  And not the kind of sick you can keep on doing car pool with and stick a Costco lasagna in the oven for dinner.  But the kind of sick that has you green to the gills and hovering close to the "facilities."  The kind of sick a mama is only allowed to have once every decade.

This morning I woke with my stomach a little queezy still, but able to function.  And in my absence, I discovered that a nuclear devastation had ripped through every corner of my home. Yes, surely it was either nuclear devastation or the remaining 7 members of the Crazy 8 decided to decline any personal responsibility for their messes.  Honestly, there wasn't a square inch of our home that hadn't been devastated.

The carnage... it had to be dealt.
I decided to attack the kitchen island first.
Notice the camera angle which purposefully shows no other flat surfaces.  Only a dust mop if you look closely, a dust mop which I assure you was there on Sunday when I went bed and was not touched the entire time I was there.

Exhibit 1-Spelling list #14  (Surely this is somersetting I should have been working on!)
Exhibit 2- a cup of partially eaten trail mix with all the m&ms picked out.  
 Exhibit 3-A toy drill
Exhibit 4-A bottle of Jamaican dark rum!  Unopened. (Hmmmmm... that's the first thing that looks promising!  This may just drive a girl to drink!)
Exhibits 5 & 6- a 1/2 pint canning jar, empty. And Tess's twirly-skirt.  (Of course things that need to be stored on the kitchen island long term!
 Exhibit 7-A spray bottle, used to try to train the dog to stop barking.  Completely ineffective.
Exhibit 8-A warm 1-pound box of Costco butter, opened.  I assure you that all 3 of the 4 very soft sticks are still inside.  (By the way, how long can butter be out without refrigerating it before Salmonella becomes a possibility?  My mama never refrigerated butter.  That might explain some things.)
Exhibits 9 & 10 & 11-a dirty fork, a dry marker without a lid and a sharp pencil with an eraser.  (Hang on there just a minute... whooaaaa, Bessy... did you say a sharp pencil with an eraser?  A supernatural phenomenon surely!)
 Exhibit 12-A melty-crayon turkey decorated by Tess and Livy complete with 1 googley eye.
 Exhibit 13-Travel size Maganodoodle
Exhibit 14-Wipes  (Apparently someone was thinking about cleaning something, but never quite got to it!)
 Exhibit 15-2 lunch boxes, empty, but with remnants, including orange peels and juice-box-straw wrappers.
 Exhibit 16-Perfectly clean small plate, fork, and knife. (Kinda makes you wonder, hu?)
Exhibit 17-$8.  (Ah HAAA!  This must be my fee for cleaning up all this mess!  Which I assure you, I promptly pocketed it!)
 Exhibit 18-Bag of assorted choking hazzards beads
Exhibit 19-My grandmother's hand needle-point stool pushed to the side of the island to be used as a common step stool
 Exhibit 20-Farmer guy
 Exhibit 21-Ball Transformer thingy  (Anyone seeing the insanity of it all?)
Exhibit 22-Empty box that used to have a portable heater, complete with styrofoam  (Benefit-of-the-doubt-girl thinks maybe someone was keeping it case of a return?  Maybe not.)
Exhibit 23-Two used empty tamale husks and 1 tamale, cooked and opened and not eaten... except for the one bite taken out of the corner.  No plate.  Just sitting there.  (Honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to take a picture of it.  Just too disgusting.)

20 minutes later...
That's better!
Now on to the remainder of the kitchen floor house.

6 comments:

  1. Seriously funny! The same thing happened to me... but it was strep throat and 3 days in bed... All I will say is your carnage is funny mine is depressing. :-)

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  2. Marci-Someone else's carnage is always funny! 'Cause it isn't YOUR carnage!

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  3. Hope your feeling better ! Crazy how things go south without momma to clean up every 5 minutes.

    If the butter is salted it can stay out of the fridge for a while - I think. At least that is what I do.

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  4. why in heavens name do you AZ people have a space heater?????

    i hate kitchen island carnage. hate.

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  5. Is that the same farmer guy from your over the shoulder boulder holder blog post ?!?! Haha.

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  6. Okay, this is NOTHING! You should see my kitchen after one 'normal' day with this Mama fully functioning. The older I get, or maybe the more children we add (and dogs too, for that matter:), the more I realize how desperately poor I am at housekeeping!
    btw- that pencil is a HOT commodity in our home too and surely would never be left lying about, but quickly snatched and hoarderd by the lucky finder of such a treasure!
    Blessings

    ReplyDelete

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