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Saturday, September 4, 2010

More than just boulder holders

This is a reflection of the Crazy Mama herself and her mama, all documented in print, lest the littles forget whence they came.
We'll start with the fact that the women on my mother's side of the family have been... uhhhhhhh... blessed... abundantly blessed... amply blessed... with very large... blessings.  Very large.  Very very large.  Don't think Ds.  Think alphabet letters farther along, more like F, G, and, don't pass out now, H!  It's truly amazing.  It's truly scary!  But it's truly true!  Poor gals, all of us with permanent indents in our shoulders.

But I'd like to think of myself as the type of gal that goes through life with rose-colored glasses.  So with such ample blessings, opportunity also arises, specifically an opportunity for ample storage.  Say perhaps you find yourself wearing an outfit without pockets.  No problem.  Or perhaps you've decided not to carry your purse and need a safe place to store your money.    Maybe your cell phone is on vibrate but your expecting a call and need to keep it close at hand?  That's not a problem either!

In this regard, my mother used to unknowingly embarrass me to no end.  As a teenager, we'd go out to eat, and she'd tip the wait staff with warm change freshly procured from her bosom.    This would start a chain reaction where 3 things would simultaneously happen-
#1 Reading his name tag, Mama would say, Thank you so much Johnny for busing our table.  You did a wonderful job!  And she'd reach right into her brazier, pull out 2 quarters, (you didn't miss the fact that the quarters were warm, right?) and place them in his hand.
#2, The bus boy would of course get this weirded out look on his face, accept the tip, and turn quickly away.
#3 I'd simply die of embarrassment right then and there, fall to the floor, and wait to have my remains carried out on a stretcher.

You'd think such life altering events would be... well... life altering.   But DNA is such a horribly powerful and inescapable variable!

Shoot forward a couple decades to the Crazy Mama.   Like I mentioned, she's not only the type of gal to wear rose-colored glasses, but she's also a girl that doesn't like to leave any short cut un-taken.  Who doesn't leave any time-saving strategy un-strategized.   Who never leaves an unused storrage container un-occupied.  Who was genetically predetermined to be well endowed, and uses her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder to hold so much more than boulders!

I can appreciate that at this point in my post,  you are probably laughing... at me.  But let me assure you that the funny part is yet to come.
And not funny like Oh my, she's so funny that I'm doulbed over laughing.  Hahahahah!
Rather, funny like Oh my, she's a little funny in the head.  Uhhh OH!

Today was cleaning day, and I gathered up many odds-n-ends, truth be told, far more ill-gotten booty than usual.  At the end of the day, I discovered that I had accumulated many lovely treasures that were stored close to my heart, literally.  Actually today wasn't any different from any other day for a busy mama of 6.
I submit to you, exhibit A.
  • 1 small barrette and 1 safety pin, closed, of course
  • 1 farmer guy
  • a 1 GB memory card.  I'm most impressed that it's still in that little container!
  • 2 kroners.  I've never even been to Denmark!  I have NO idea where this came from.
  • 1 flying pterodactyl
  • a small tube of "Stop sctratching those bug bites!" stuff

  • 1 ear plug.  Leaves me wondering why this solitary earplug is not in a pair.  I mean who uses 1 ear plug?!
  • 1 pair of fingernail clippers.  Warning-not a item for beginners!  Storage of this item is an advanced maneuver only!
  • $24.26  Jackpot!
And now that I've likely offended most every reader,  I'll leave you with just a couple little tidbits to this fun and interesting game.

Small change, mostly dimes, can unknowingly "stick" for a long while.  Sometimes over night.  Which is kinda funny (exhibit B) when I hear it fall to the tile floor in the shower the next morning.

Sunny, after reading this post, pulled out 2 of her own quarters... warm quarters.  She's doomed.
Curssed DNA!


  1. I just keep saying to myself, "oh my gosh...oh my gosh...oh my gosh..." She's kidding. But I know you're not! Then I look down at my own chest, read a little more and feel, well, underwhelmed!!! You use what your mama gave you WELL!!! Fun post!

  2. I love this! And my blessings are around the modest of size and I still stuff as much as I can in there from time to time. :)

  3. I have to admit that I am definitely NOT as "ample" as you in this department... I mean I am by no means an ironing board...but still... I ipod when I am running... and many many other things "there" too!

    Thank goodness I am not the only "crazy" lady out there!

  4. Aha! Ahahahahaha! Oh my goodness. That's positively hysterical!
    I have to piggy back on Lisa's comment, I feel especially underwhelmed when I consider my personal 'storage' ability... but I'm gonna try it! I might be able to keep a clip and a band aid near by all the time. Genius!
    Thanks for the early morning laugh :)

  5. LOL! This was the funniest thing I have seen in a while! Hilarious. Loved it. (and am so very relieved that I am not the only crazy that does this at times- especially after a friend gave me a complex when I pulled out my phone after jogging)

  6. Hahaha! Love it! You always make me smile :)

    Oh, I've been reading the VN posts as well, with goosebumps and tears in my eyes....brings back so many memories and emotions

  7. One ear plug is useful at a sporting event if you're next to someone with an earsplitting whistling ability. So, that's one possible use of just one earplug.

  8. Too funny! As someone who is also "far down the alphabet" this made me laugh. I'm just wondering how the Arizona heat affects all your goodies. Amazingly, I've never thought about extra storage space. But now my mind is racing!

  9. Michelle-Yes, you wise woman, the heat is a definite factor to consider. For example, cell phone storage can be a risk. Many a times I've pulled my phone out DRIPPING with sweat! But lipstick on the other hand is ok, you just can't use it until you've held it by the car AC vent for 5 minutes!

  10. OMG - so many times as a teenager, I turned bright red when my mom pulled things from, as she describes it, "her high pocket." It wasn't until I had kids that I realized the high pocket sure comes in handy! (Yes, the females in my family also fall in the 'well endowed' catagory! I do worry that my beautiful Vietnamese daughter will never fully appreciate this extra "pocket space"!)

  11. Julie- "High Pocket?!" I am SO SO using that term!

  12. You made me laugh out loud!

    Delighted to meet you today and splash around a bit. Thanks for drenching me in smiles.

    happy day,

  13. I'm so shocked that you found your way to me! How fun! I feel like I've made a new friend! Hee hee...
    Your family is just so gorgeous and I love, love, love, your pictures! Looking forward to sharing some of our crazy lives together!
    Leslee-Bear Creek Mama
    ps. I just had to share your "Boulder Holder" post with a couple of friends - it made me laugh so hard. My less abundantly blessed bra seems to hold little else except an ipod headphone or two:)

  14. Wow, I literally cringed when you started this story. Your mom (aka my mom) and her paying with money from her "high pocket" (I'm stealing it too :)) But alas, I too have adopted our mothers nasty habit of storing things in my bra, the cell phone is a favorite. I used to be able to get away with more, but the further I go down in the alphabet the harder it is to conceal things.

    Glad I am not the only one taking after some of mom's "quirks"


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