Tuesday, September 28, 2010
that I'm miserable at my job as a mother and completely ineffective in teaching my children anything of consequence.
I know for certain that I'm exaggerating, that there are bigger problems, and in hind sight, all of this will be only a blip of nothingness. But being a mama 24/7 for almost 17 years now is sometimes draining. OK, it is really rewarding and the best job in the world, when it goes well and your hard work pays off. But there are times when you do the very best you can, and with every good intention, and it just isn't enough. Then being a mama is hard and unrewarding. Why am I still like that? 42 years on the planet and I'm still in it for the reward. Someone pass me a bag of M&Ms, (plain please. We don't need to go messing up a perfectly good snack food with nutritions peanuts) and tell me I'm doing a good job.
That miserable day has now turned into two, because honestly somethings just don't "go away" if we ignore them and as a family, were just not sure where to go next. I'm praying and trying to crawl out of the hole that I have dug, my hole of despair. 'Cause we're healthy, and we're together, and we really do love each other so much it hurts. No pity party for me, please. Maybe just a note that I'm not the only mama that has days like this.
I'm gonna regret putting all this in print. Maybe one of my kiddos will look back at this 30 years from now and it will help them, somehow.
I'm climbing out now.