Tuesday, April 27, 2010
A search? Would appreciate input...
Maybe it's the overexposure to all these therapy sessions, or the school year winding down, or my many many appointments as I get T&J evaluated for head-start preschool next year... (You mean they would go to school on a SCHOOL BUS? Get the Kleenex ready!)
But here is what is consuming my thoughts lately. Birth parents...
Papa himself was adopted as a wee baby. And I don't know how God does it, but God found Papa's mama and papa and family, and through Him, 11-day-old Papa was placed in Granna's arms. Not a child of her womb, but HER child all the same. God's handiwork is miraculous.
And now we are into the second generation of adoption, and God has placed T&J with us.
Tess and Jujube were both abandoned in the hospital just after birth. Their mothers gave birth and left their babies behind. These two woman provided information about themselves, like their name, address, age, (one was a young woman and the other an older mom with several other children) and marital status. But the police investigation to locate these woman stated that this information is at least partially false. We don't know which parts were false. The information is just incorrect enough to not be able to find these women. This is not an unusual way for a woman to give up her child for adoption in VietNam. Sadly, it's common. And my thoughts frequently turn to the two woman that gave this precious gift to us. We'll NEVER know the circumstances that brought these two women to make the agonizing decision to leave their children. But I KNOW with 100% certainly that these two women made of this decsion out of LOVE. Any woman that has birthed or held her child and felt that child grow within her womb knows what I am saying. Even under the most adverse circumstances, we are mothers.
And they are T&J's birthmothers. I wonder if they wonder...
I wonder if T&J will have questions... that I certainly can not answer. They will.
And I wonder about my responsibility to T&J to teach them who they are.
So now we consider embarking upon a search to find their birth mothers. Should we? Yes? No? Maybe? Under certain parameters? Thoughts? (Chris? Michelle? You're so full of wisdom.) I almost feel it a duty to do all we can on T&J's behalf just in case they wonder. But Papa seems to have a different perspective. He's not against a search for their birth mothers. But he sees no urgency. Papa contacted his birth mother just after Sunny was born. He said his choice to do so had so much to do with being a father himself and the idea that a birth parent just wouldn't know how that child is. I will not share his personal details, but this was an encounter that left him a bit empty and ever so grateful of God's plan for him. But I think this information, ANY information that we can give T&J about who they are and where they come from is good. What they do with it, is their choice. And now that I just laid that down in print, I realize that I heard almost those same words from Granna, spoken to Papa, 15 years ago. Papa chose to make contact with his birth mother. His choice. She only gave him the information. I think Tess and Jujube deserve the same? Are there exceptions to the rule?
I would love some discussion from the adoption mamas and just mamas in general. As you've probably noticed, I'm a bit ambivalent.
PS-My photography protege, Livy, is learning to focus with a short DOF! Good girl, Livy! Not sure I like me and all my flaws, but your skills behind the camera are getting better every day! That's MY girl!
Posted by Nancy at 4:54 PM