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Monday, August 31, 2009

What I know when I'm 41... kinda

So I made Tess a tutu. I know, it's a bit cheesy. But I was SO above this when my big girls were little. I was in my twenties then , and I was above hair bows and frills and anything pink and of course tutus. But now I'm 41, and I there's probably more of life behind me than in front. I'm embracing my inner little girl, (who wanted, by the way, nothing more than a pair of black patent leather shoes and frilly socks! I think the thought of a tutu was so far out there that it never even entered my mind. ) and I just did it! I made Tess a tutu! I don't know much more now than when I was in my twenties... except I really do like tutus and a realism that I don't really know even what I think I know. I think that's ok. I'm not sure.

Today is Tess's birthday! Tess is 2 years old. A little run down on how she is doing. She is such a sweet little thing and still looks at me with those big full eyes and sees through to my soul like no other child. When she smiles, her whole face can get scrunched up. She walks, or rather gallops, around with the cutest little skip/jumpity when she bounds from room to room. As GrandDaddy might have said, maybe it's the hitch in her giddy up! Even the way she bounds around exudes joy. Things can still scare her so quickly. But running to me with arms wide open makes me feel so good, for this little one that wouldn't even look at me for months. Tess still gets occupational and speech therapy once a week. It's still a journey. There's still a long path to travel. But SO much progress already that it is an easier road.

Happy happy birthday sweet Tess. You've helped me re-prioritize my life. I have a better understanding of what's important, and that's made me a better me. Thank you, Tess. Thank you for your smiles and your giggles and your love and so much more. I know I needed you more than you needed me. Lucky mama.
Now that we've come home from the cabin, Papa and I decided that it was time for the babes to sleep in their own room. For attachment purposes, and because MANY a nights out of no where, they regularly woke up with night terrors, they slept at an arm's length of our bed. That's almost 1 full year with 2 babies in our room. I love it. I hate it. I love it. I hate it. So now that the nightmares have lessened and they're older, they've moved on to their own room and 2 twin beds. About a week into this new venue, I tiptoed to check on them, only to find that again Tess had crawled over my pillow barricade to be by Jude's side. She wanted to play rather than sleep. There they both were, sitting up in a dark room facing each other about 1 foot apart, taking turns, leaning in to give each other a kiss. Lean in, get a kiss, giggle, giggle. Lean in, give a kiss, giggle, giggle. Again and again. Oh MY! The little smack of lips against her brothers cheek. I cried as I stealthily hid behind the door. Is there a word fuller than joy or bliss or rapture?

I read through a post from a year ago, before we had T&J and commented that even though they didn't have parents yet, at least they had one another. Born in the same hospital, transferred to the same orphanage on the same day, and often crib mates, T&J haven't slept under different roofs since the day Tess was born. They will always have one another. And now they have parents too! But it is me that is the lucky one to have them in my life.

Happy birthday baby girl! I love you!


  1. She is breathtaking. Happy birthday Tess! I'll have to contact you next May for a how-to for Beatrice's birthday #2 TU-TU!

  2. Hormones and all I balled like a baby-they are so precious and absolutely gorgeous, I love them to pieces in our family! We wouldn't be complete (at this moment) without them.

  3. And you are talking about MY photography? Have you SEEN your pictures? They are awesome! Love the tutu. Happy Birthday beautiful girl!

  4. Happy belated birthday gorgeous little Tessa. Nancy I think you need to get paid for your beautiful writings and your astounding photography!! They are awesome!


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