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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Day #26 and Nothing Makes Sense

The Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace,
To a place where we'll be safe.

We ask that life be kind and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

With each week that passes and each rumor that spreads, you'd think that I'd learn not to get my hopes up. But something inside me just yearns for guidance and a place to hang my hopes on, so time after time, I devour each good rumor and hold my breath. Still nothing. Still waiting.
And if all this waiting was just for me, for MY dreams, then it would ok to be let down so many times. I'm an adult with my own faults and sins. I knowingly chose to start this difficult journey of adoption, and I have my own mama and papa to fall to when I need. But these 2 babies (actually 41 babies that we know of in our situation) only have the fault of being born to a mama that decided that she could not care for them and left them at a hospital for someone else to look after forever. This certainly is no fault of their own, yet they are the ones forced to suffer the consequences... forced to feed themselves their own bottles because no one else can... without enough food in their tummies or enough stimulation to want to crawl after an enticing toy... left to spend their days in cribs without a family to call their own, or enough medicine to prevent another round of scabies. And I wonder why it is this way. Why? None of it makes sense when there is a ready loving family for each of these 41 children. a family ready for Sunburn and the Little Man, who wants so desperately to wrap them in my arms, smother them with the mother-love that every baby deserves, take them away from all these consequences, and give them every opportunity. Why? It just never makes sense.

Just to clarify from my last post, our agency WILL reschedule our G&R whenever our approval comes.

In the picture, you gotta love Boo's technique for watering the flowers! No, the flowers are on the ground just where you'd expect them to be and not in the trees.

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