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Monday, May 19, 2008

Prayer Request Please

As a part of the adoption process in VN, the orphanage releases all the documents pertaining to the child. Included in these documents is the baby's original Vietnamese birth certificate, hospital reports detailing the specifics of how the child ended up in the hospital without a birth parent, names and address of birth parents if known, public advertisements and results of police records looking for birth parents, public advertisements describing the baby that are looking for a Vietnamese adoptive family...
I knew these documents would be coming to us eventually, and I was so excited and anticipating getting them. I expected that I'd be SO VERY interested and excited to learn even more about the babies and learn more about the process that will unite them with us. Today these documents arrived in my mailbox.
These documents probably contain the remainder of all the information we will ever know about our children. And those things are very interesting and invaluable. It is Sunburn's and the Little Man's connection to their birth family and their culture and their past. So I immediately got the kiddos busy with projects, locked myself in my bedroom, ripped open the envelope, and poured over the paperwork to learn all I could.
That's when I was blindsided by an completely unexpected emotion... grief. Instead of excitement, this overwhelming sense of sadness came over me and hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a sense of loss and sadness for the birth family. I don't think I can even come close to imagining the fear or sadness the birth mother felt. I wonder what circumstance she found herself in that led her to decide to leave her child in someone else's care forever. I can only imagine that her decision was made not only out of sadness and grief but also out love for her baby. I found myself mourning for her loss and sobbing. Half a world a way, shut up in room with paperwork scattered all over my bed, I cried for her loss and felt a tiny portion of her pain.

My prayers will certainly be with her tonight, and I'm sure many many more nights the rest of my life, asking that God give her some peace about her decision and that he look after her. And I will also ask for His guidance should I be entrusted to call her baby my own someday.

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